Wow...

Two posts in the same week. That has to be a first. :P

I am leaving for Philly in 3 days. I am kind of nervous and excited all at the same time. My cousin Jen is getting married. I haven't seen the family for at least 6 years. The last time I talked to any of them was when I was in the hospital. My Aunt Judy called me to see how I was doing. I am looking forward to seeing everyone again. And it is a happy reunion with the wedding and all. :)

I really miss having family around. We have never been a close family, but before my aunt lived right down the street from us. When I was little we were over there all the time. Then the family split, and we didn't see them anymore. Recently they have gotten closer, but now we live 17 hours away.

A few years ago I would have done anything to move back east, but now my friends are here and so is my dad. Jason is thinking about moving back to LA. I will miss him very much. We have gotten really close over the last few years. But it is what he feels is best for him. So another one moves away. :( Good luck to him.

I would love to go back east. But on my disability I just can't afford it. St. Louis is nice and cheap to live in. I would have a closet in Philly for what we pay for a 2 bedroom apartment here. *sigh* Maybe I will find a nice rich man someday. LOL. Right. Or win the lottery. Of course if that happens I am moving to Ireland not Philly. :P

I have been noticing lately that I can express my mood with music. (not mine but other peoples) Like tonight it's "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" by Green Day... Here are the Lyrics:

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

I am feeling rather nostalgic and sentimental tonight. I guess it's because I am heading back east on Friday. I have been wondering what my old friends are up too these days. I have no way of getting ahold of any of them any more. Oh well. *sigh*

I need to get out more. Like Out Out... not just to my friend's houses to watch TV. I am really lonely.

After a long break...

Well we finally moved. All of my stuff got moved without a hitch on the 3rd of June. All that stress for nothing. Ran was the first person to show up that day. LOL. So we are sort of unpacked. Been putting it off. I figure we have the rest of our lives to unpack. Plus it's been too hot to do much of anything other than sit still in front of the TV.

I finally got an A/C unit for my bedroom. My dad and stepmom decided to get me an early birthday present. YAY! So at least I can sleep in the cool air at night. Waking up today was really nice. Now we just have to get a unit for the living room and we will be all set. Ran says he is going to see about buying one with this months paycheck. So hopefully that will work out. :) Would be nice to use the computer during the day again.

Mostly I watch TV all day and then go sit in the A/C at the coffee house downstairs. It is really convenient. And thanks to the owner and her musical tastes I have finally identified this song that makes me really happy to hear and really sad to hear. Yes kids its another song that I really identify with. (Not that there aren't hundreds of them) I have been trying to figure out who did this one for a while ever since I heard it on CSI. Turns out it is on the Shrek Soundtrack and it is sung by Rufus Wainwright and it was originally written by Leonard Cohen. The song is Hallelujah. Here are the lyrics. If you have never heard this version of it you should check it out. It makes me cry sometimes. (In a good way though).

Hallelujah

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
Its a cold and its a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I also recently discovered a Romanian band called O-Zone. They are really cool. So far my favorite from them is called "Dragostea din tei". It is kind of club music. But it rocks! Definitely a must check out. The album is called "DiscO-Zone" and is available through Amazon as an import. They rock!

I finally got the rest of my Cure collection and Forty Licks from the Rolling Stones. I now have a copy of "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Stones. So I am very happy about that. The church organ version is on the Big Chill sountrack, but the song itself isn't on there. I now own everything that the Cure did studio wise. :) Music is awesome. I hope I can afford to buy a couple of more albums this coming month. I really want to get the Dead Milkmen and Janice Joplin's boxed set. Very expensive though. Hopefully I can find it used at Vintage Vinyl. I don't know if they will have Dead Milkmen. They weren't as big here as they were on the East Coast. We will see though.

Karen and I started working again. I have been cutting out Ren dresses all week. I can't wait to see them put together. We have a red and gold tapestry fabric with gold fabric accents for the sleeves and inset skirt. It is a dress like the one Dru Barrymore wore in Ever After. I think it is going to be gorgeous. We are doing a black goth empire waist dress with black mesh sleeves that have been embroidered with pink flowers and green vines. Also we are doing a Green Satin with black velvet roses, and Blue tapestry and light blue satin dress. I can't wait to see how they turn out. I will try to get pictures when they are done. We are cutting out tones of shirts for Archon and making mock corsets with just the ticking in all of the sizes we offer so that people have something to try on and then they can order them with the fabric of their choice. :) Gearing up for a busy summer.

Plus I still have to make Debbie's dress and my dad's shirt. I want to make patchwork curtains for the house as I can afford fabric. I want to make Space Invader curtains for the computer room and random patchwork curtains to the living room. Plus curtains for the rest of the house. Busy busy busy. :P Oh and another dress for my self. I solved the problem of not having a serger to finish the seams. Karen bought me a pair of pinking sheers which will keep my raw edges from fraying. I can't wait to get started. Just have to unpack in my room to clear some space. :P

My mood has been pretty stable lately. Not really depressed but not really happy either. About normal for me. I am thinking about getting a part time job. Just like 2 days a week somewhere to give me something to do. I just can't figure out where I want to work yet. Ideally I want to work in a fabric store, but none of them are accessible by bus. So I guess a gas station will do. No restaurant work for me, although there are tons around where we live. Too stressful. It's looking like 7-11 is going to be the place that I choose. Oh well it is something. :P

Well that brings us up to speed. :)